How to make life happy psychology in a simple way [Александр Александрович Чечитов] (fb2) читать онлайн

Hello friend! What's up? We often hear meaningless phrases from people around us. The average person says millions of words in his life and does much less. But. What do the descendants of Adam and Eve leave behind? After all, a ruthless, invisible monster named time erases from memory all that was said and perfect, ever. Even for the closest of relatives, the feeling of loss dulls over the years. What, for example, said the peasants born in the nineteenth century? What were medieval knights afraid of? What did the first Cro-Magnons dream of? Maybe you'll say it's the feelings of the dead, and you'll be right. However, like the above characters, I want the same as you. Men and women have always wanted to be happy, and the ways to achieve this magical metaphorical state are many. It was at the dawn of mankind, when our ancestors, dressed in shaggy skins of prehistoric animals, were sitting at the broken lightning tree. A craving for something exceedingly pleasant overpowered the savages. Just imagine: coal-dark bodies of people, burned by the midday sun, sitting in a circle and bent over the fresh carcass. First, the leader inspects gloomy, excision scars the faces of tribesmen. On his face, a grin. He's been doing the same ritual for years. They are obediently silent. The guttural sounds that came out of their throats during the day are now quiet. The curved blade of the stone knife separates the skin from the soft, warm meat. Little savages eagerly swallow saliva at the sight of raw goodies. After the leader ate the first piece, the rest are allowed to join. Begin. Their hard cheekbones move up and down like millstones. The cave dwellers did not know words. If they could use them, they wouldn't have the word depression. Their joy is in the present, without past or future. A moment ago, a half-naked crowd with wooden spears languished. Without realizing it, they got more pleasure from waiting for food than from the process.

If you have ever experienced a real feeling of hunger in your life, you can remember how wonderful the moment before the start of a meal. What did you feel then? Now you have a refrigerator full of food and do not know what to eat. This is a situation where you get lost. With primitive man this could not be. Only luck and skill were his tools. You'd think the men lived by instinct. If so, how do we explain rock paintings? Neither the dog nor the horse is not capable of meaningful things of this kind. Even at the level of the savage. So the first man could not express himself, but he knew what he wanted. That's how mother nature arranged it. In this was his happiness. What's yours? And what are you doing about it? A person is not afraid of death, he is really afraid to lose what is dear to the heart. People who are possessed by madness or intoxicated by drugs are easily thrown out of the window, lie down on the rails, or put a bullet in their head.

There are many variations of the end. That's not the point. How unexpected is an event of this kind for relatives, although predictable for a good psychologist. It is a question that needs to be answered. And time is running out. Probably everyone once threw a stone into the water. Imagine, that our actions are like this very stone – water this time, and splashes are consequences. Everything falls into place.

After reviewing biographies of thousands of murderers, you can see thousands deprived of the love of children. It's not about me. I’m normal – think of yourself reading these lines. We hope that this is the case. However, we are not given a glimpse into the future. Let's see what is happening today.

A month ago, being in court, I heard such conversations. A dry, short grandmother complained to a friend about her own daughter. She simply kicked the old lady onto the street. "I gave her all my best, I didn't know sleep, I blew away dust," she said.

What can I say?! It's a shame, it's a pity that the grandmother still has not realized where she made a mistake. The findings may be made later, but for me it’s easier to live when you understand what's going on with your life, and who you are. Thought is simple until no more.

Day after day, the woman gave the girl everything, without expectations. No accounts, no boundaries. Why would one be mad at a tiger that tears you apart when you voluntarily climb into his cage? The girl grew up and, according to what she learned, took all that I could. Indifference is the enemy of the future. I apologize in advance to those who may be hurt by this sentence. I will draw a parallel with the animal world, so as not to delve into this topic at the social level.

Think of chimpanzees, close on the evolutionary tree to us. These animals, no matter how much we do not consider them wild, have a strictly defined framework of behavior. In their groups it is not acceptable to share the territory with strangers. Females are strictly subordinated to males, young individuals who could live in the world independently, are driven away. Terrible, isn't it? But, it should be recalled that these animals do not commit suicide and do not feel despair, despite the fact that in many respects the range of their feelings is similar to ours. The above is not a whim of individuals, it is a law of nature. There's a lot to think about.

Full of hot air, lungs painfully bursting from the chest. Not enough oxygen. His temples pound and his legs are weak. It's definitely not a good day. Pushing off from the balcony of the ninth floor, a young, loving couple of seventeen years fall down before random passers-by. A terrible picture presents itself. And what of their parents? Sadly, what was wrong with them? Their entire lives it seemed were ahead. So why?

For both the girl and the boy, it was a game. Each of them really loved, in general, only themselves. They imagined how their relatives would cry over their beautiful bodies, and how many conversations would be about the love that required such a sacrifice.

Now let's draw another scenario. The girl from her earliest years saw that her mother loved her father. And this love was manifested in actions, in his eyes, and thoughts. Or, for example her father was not loving, but her mother nevertheless did her best to listen and understand her daughter.

Then her partner would have been much less likely to persuade her to take the last step into the abyss. After all, raising a child is a daily and hourly work. It's impossible to pay in advance.

If mothers are able to teach their babies to understand their feelings, it is very likely that they will grow up happy people. The trouble is that many mothers themselves have not received proper care in childhood, often like fathers.

I often hear statements that a child does not understand anything before kindergarten. Well, after sending them to preschool, parents sigh relief, saying, “Let them learn there”. Then it’s the school’s, which is expected. This raises people who have not learned to understand.

Mothers and fathers do not take their eyes off the mobile phone, including when a child is in trouble, or inconsolable. Talk to your children! But most importantly, try to hear what they are trying to tell you. The same rule must be followed with the rest of the family. Innuendo and pride are the worst enemies of the family. No, you don't have to turn around and crawl at the feet of your other half, or to another close relative. Take the first step to meeting. Try to understand the person. It's easier than it looks. Destruction always has time, but to create even this is not a fact. Just remember why you chose your partner. Did he or she change? Do you really think that a person is capable of changing dramatically for no apparent reason? Perhaps so, but most likely you just did not want to consider the shortcomings, successfully inventing a wrong image in your head.

Will you try to meet another? How many partners need to be changed to understand that there is no ideal? With a few exceptions, most relationships just get tired. A person gets tired of looking and he comes to the idea that you can get used to someone’s shortcomings. Live this life and time goes. Well, or left alone, which in itself is not very promising. Again, it all depends on personal beliefs. If they are, of course. If you're sad, get up, do something. Crying? Don't get carried away. A lot of people do not admit that they like to feel sorry for themselves, and receive pity from others. But you, if you think you're special, wipe your snot and smile for today. Life goes by a lot faster than you think. It makes a lot of sense that it's finite. In the short time given to you, we need to understand why you're here. Find yourself. But sitting still, and wandering in the vast expanses of reflection and dreams to do so, will not work. As long as you live, you can change the world around you. Love! Go for it! Live!

Forty four year old Sergey, the son of my school physics teacher, lives with his mother. Not an old man, in general. On his head a white cap of white hair. In his eyes, fog. And emptiness inside. It so happened that I had to visit their house several times. The rooms have been under renovation for many years. Here and there lies a construction tool.

Vera Andreyevna prepares delicious, nourishing soup for him. And he sleeps, drunk. There was no celebration, or any substantial reason to drink. He just wanted to. When Serezha wakes up, a tired grimace will appear on his thin face, bristling with sparse hair. His mother at such times, begins to lament. Of course listen to Sergey. He is not willing though, and the dialogue rapidly devolves into a squabble. Vera Andreevna shouts to her son, pointing to sloppiness and irresponsibility. Yes, it's obvious, but first look into her heart. Left without a husband, she protected her son from fights from an early age. He is overprotected and cherished.

Now, Vera Andreyevna laments the ingratitude on his part. It's a shame that her son doesn't appreciate her efforts. It is important to recall that he still lives with his mother. She cooks, washes, and cleans for him. It turns out that the years have passed, but the fundamental nature of their relationship is preserved. What does she want, you ask? The answer is on the surface, she likes it. At the expense of herself and more for Sergei, she continues to babysit him.

There is a trait in some birds, when the chick grows up, the mother pushes it out of the nest. No, nothing more beautiful than that. Faced with a new world, the chick looks for ways to survive. What would have happened if it had not? You can guess.

To the story of Sergei, let us look at the situation from the inside. Life turns to dust, the golden hands begin to tremble. I must say by the way, that the decoration of their house is gorgeous, reflecting a little of his peace of mind. It seems to have everything, but inside it is a mess. Here the mother still give advice. And the remains of pride, still burn, and it turns into a serious conflict. In this situation, everything suits Sergey. He is clothed and lives comfortably. He even smile in response to the comments, but it is rather out of habit. After all, how many ambitions has he had? Who does he blame? Correct! Circumstances, his mother or something else. Millions of reasons are given to avoid another argument. For others it looks like trouble, but in fact they see only the surface. The trick is often hidden under the mask of simplicity. In this case, it is not fully realized. Perhaps Vera Andreevna, long ago realized her mistake, but is afraid to change anything. The circle is closed.

The conclusion is that next to us is the person who we allowed to be close, and that we like these feelings. If there is no water in the river, it dries up. However, when there is, it spills a lot. Both cases are trouble. Appreciate moderation, you can always find a middle ground in your life. Stick to it, and you will be happy.