To breathe [Надя Грин] (fb2) читать постранично

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Надя Грин To breathe

– It is better I leave here. Far away. The further the better!

A voice was heard from a tiny animal, who confidently went towards the red evening sunset.


It looks like a little fish, but what is a fish doing on land, alone in the city?


She goes very fast and with determination, nothing could stop her. The city, which she is leaving, was so mercilessly full of riddles. To solve them, our little heroine is already too desperate.

In the city whales and dolphins are living, also snakes and birds. Recently, also came foxes, wolves and squirrels. They quickly got comfortable. Unlike the whales, who are uselessly trying to hide themselves from the hot sun in very stuffy offices. All of them are trying to live together in one environment, and to share the territory.

So wild. To live here is unbearable! Maybe my place is in the sky? – Fish stops and looks up. Around the clouds flew by a mole, and after it a flock of ants.

No! It is clear why everyone on land keeps away from this craziness, – reported Fish to herself and continued walking.

Soon she left the city and went into the field. The sun almost went down at the horizon and everything around started to get dark. Fish stopped for the last time. From here, the city lights do not look so bothersome and the noise does not sound so intrusive. She remembered the metro smell and having a fresh cake with a perfect tea in her favourite cafe. This all is so common and usual, but very hated.

– Night is coming, I have to find a place for sleep! – said Fish, trying to kick out the growing melancholy about the city.

She lay on the grass and started to watch the stars.

– I will start to count them, fall asleep fast, will wake up early tomorrow and continue my way! – she decided.

– 1, 2, 3, what sound is it? 4, 5, 6, no, with this noise I can’t sleep, 7, 8, I need to understand what it is, – Fish stood up and started stepping slow.

– Who is here? You are hissing too loudly, can you do it quieter, I’m trying to sleep! – loudly said Fish.

– Oh! I’m sorry, I did not know there is someone here, – someone said from the dark.


Fish got scared, but did not show it.

– Yes, I`m also surprised to meet someone here! Where are you? I do not see you! – shivered Fish because of the unknown, but spoke calmly.

– I`m here! Only a few steps away from you, – said the voice already very near.


Fish stopped and realized where the sound came from.

– Who are you? Are you ok? Are you alone there? – said Fish to a blinking spot on the ground, but did not risk coming near to look inside it.

– Oh, thank you very much, I’m completely ok! Since recently I’ve been here all alone, and I prefer it like that. What are you doing here? – asked the blinking spot.

– I tried to sleep. But now I do not think it’s possible, – said Fish.

– There are really beautiful nights here. Usually, I go to sleep in the morning, in order to look longer at the stars, – said the spot, already calmer.

– True, the stars here are much brighter than in the city, – also calmer, said Fish.

– Have you been to the city? – said the spot lively.

– I live in the city. Correction – lived. That place is not for me. Now I want to change the condition and search for a new life, – said Fish uncertainty.

– Was there anything wrong with your old life? – curiously asked the spot.

Fish looked down, – It’s a long story. Something is wrong with either my life or with me.

– I have a lot of time. I have not had a conversation for a long time. And by your words it seems you need to speak with someone too, – answered spot.

– Here it is calm and quiet, in the city it's completely different. There I love myself. Mentally, not physically. Of course, I had friends, but still felt myself to be very unnecessary. Like I’m in the wrong place. Sometimes I feel I must be somewhere else. I want freedom, and the city is choking me.., – said Fish and fall silent. It seemed to her, she said too much, especially to an unknown person who she cannot even see.

– It is really sad. I understand why you decided to leave there. There is nothing more important than freedom and happiness! – quietly said the spot.

– Also, nobody hears me, – Fish interrupted him. – For some I’m too small, for some I`m too big!

– But you said you had friends. Doesn’t it mean that for someone you are still normal? – said the spot with an unsuccessful attempt to calm Fish down.

– I had. But I’m sure they will not notice my absence. However, I take no offense at them because of it. In this urban hustle it’s very hard to remember everything and everyone, – answered Fish but in her eyes, there was still some offense.

– Tell me about the city? I’ve never been there, – the spot trying to change the sad topic.

– I do not advise it to you. There is nothing to see there – it is cramped and stuffy. A lot of negative and sadness. I’m always tired there, that atmosphere burns all your energy and drinks your soul, – Fish made a pause and adds quietly.

– And even though there are so many different animals there, it’s still so lonely there.

It became quiet. Fish went deep into her memories, she really wanted to say something good about the city, but she couldn’t find anything in her memory. The spot was thinking too…


– But where is it not lonely? I’m here too completely alone, – said the spot sadly.

– I thought that there, in the crowd, there is real life.

– Yes, for some. Foxes, wolves, and squirrels came recently to the city. They feel really good there. If you are one of them, you will feel comfortable in the city too, – lively said Fish, happy as she finally said something nice about the city.

The mood of the spot quickly changed – Oh, foxes, wolves, squirrels…, – in his voice excitement grew.

– Probably also kangaroo, deer…?

– Yes, how did you know? – Fish was surprised.

– I know them. They lived here for a long time. It was not good for them here, – the voice was still worried.

– I think they also went to search for a new life. And found it in the city.

– They look very capable. It’s so strange they felt wrong somewhere else, – again Fish was surprised.

– Or wrong with them, or they are wrong, – said the spot with a sigh.


The silence fell again.

– So, is it good for them there? I’m happy for it, – said the spot.

– Yes, for sure! – answered Fish. – Why did you not go with them?

– No, – said the spot sharply. – I had no choice. Probably, they were for me the same as it was being in the city for you. They squeezed me.

– Did they beat you? – Fish asked, scared.

– Oh, no, of course no, – the shiny spot calmed down Fish.

– They did not beat me. The thing is that unsuitable substances are slow killing each other. And here is just two ways out, the first – they have to break up, or the second – they will be killing each other to the end. We chose the first when the second was already so near.

They look good, – Fish started to argue.

– And with your voice I can not tell you are in bad form.

Hah, thank you, – with a half-smile said the spot. – But if you were to meet me earlier you would not think so.

What you were before? – asked Fish.

– Now you even did not notice me in the dark. You have heard me, just because we're a few meters apart. But before, many years ago, you would feel my fresh smell from kilometres away. If you would hear my sound, it would make you fall asleep, not distract you. Before, everyone was coming to me, not leaving me. You could see me from outer space, – said the shiny spot with a romantic mood. – I was a powerful sea with endless shores.

– A sea? – for a second Fish was sure she was speaking with a crazy person. – Is it possible?

– The sea. Yes, possible. These animals you’ve seen in the city, lived within me. It was hard to breathe for them. It was a torture for them. But they did not know other life, and that is why they thought it was normal. But we both were tormented, – the Sea voice became a little angry. – They, trying to live within me; dried me. And I, by holding them here; killing them with my waves.

After a small break the Sea continued.

– From the start, my waters were leaving me very slowly, I almost did not notice. Just a few shores moved, I did not think much of it. But later, with every day my depth was becoming shallower and shallower. When my size was already the size of a big lake, with every hour, my waters were leaving. Everyone was sure I