How to avoid becoming a spinster? [Ulbosyn Naurizbaevna Shaleken] (fb2) читать постранично, страница - 3

there, you’ll dance hard and have fun.

I know a case like that. A friend of mine who is a forward-minded businessman, slim and interesting brunette, intelligent and good-natured, went on a binge after divorce. It is typical of many newly divorced men. I remember what a wedding they had! Lush and fun! They invited at least five hundred people. They had it good for six months.

And then she left him and hit the road to Warsaw with some interpreter. It was probably due to money, opportunity and prospects. He loved her while the same can't be said for her apparently. She said she couldn't do it anymore. Do what? What was wrong? It was a hard time for him. He couldn’t realise that there is a place for cynicism, meanness, calculation and betrayal in this world. He was simply 'dumped' for a more promising option. Long story short, this guy rushed to nightclubs for adventures to cool down. Short-time dating, alcohol, sex. He used to do it 3-4 times a week. Seems to be asserting himself. He managed to avoid getting into real troubles somehow. It was a miracle.

Then one day he met a girl in a bar. She was a marketer in some company. On weekends she was dying of boredom and lack of new sensations.

They started dating. They agreed that this wasn’t serious. Everything went well. I was glad seeing a friend coming back to life. As they got to know each other better, they realised they like each other in many ways. They had their own stories that led them to the bar that night, but the bar life was an accident and they didn’t belong there anymore. She did want to have long civil marriage, so they got married. This time the wedding was way leaner than the previous.

They have two sons now. Moreover, they kept their feelings. Well, there is one more happy family there. There are a lot of stories like that.

To sum up, I want to tell you about some mistakes one can make:

When meeting in a bar just show your interest but do start flirting with a guy from the minute.

You can have one or two glasses of wine in his presence. This is quite enough to relax a little, without getting rip-roaring drunk. Avoid bombarding the guy with questions or portray yourself as some experienced vamp woman. Many girls will support me if I say that guys are instantly pecking at a cheerful and carefree girl. Moreover, they are surely already 'tipsy'.

A bar is a place where people come to have fun and chat about pleasant things. The atmosphere is on your side: everyone is in a good mood, open to communication, and some haven’thing against a little adventure.

You don’t want to check your phone or wristwatch too often when you talk to a guy. Instagram, selfies, stories and chat groups can wait. They already take a lot of time. By heaven, put your phone deep in your bag.

Don’t rush or fuss. Even if you’re a super busy woman. 'Now or never!' type of motto will bring you no good.

If you like a guy, why ignore him? Forget about your mental blockers: teeth, legs, boobs, shoulders. Look at that girl, she much prettier. Tastes differ. Just take your bag of blocker toss it. Even if somebody doesn’t like you, life goes on. You’re the most beautiful, period.

Telling your friends all about your date and snipe about a guy doesn't always turn out well. There are many cases I know when the guy somehow magically learned about this. Every friend has her own way to do it.

You can chit chat at the bar, and if he not your 'train', go back to your friends. A date doesn’t oblige you to anything, whether it is the first or the hundred and first.

The bar is the easiest way to find a short-term romantic adventure to shake up, unwind, and then think about its continuation.

Now that I'm married, I can go to my favourite bar close by. Not to meet someone, but to drink my favourite non-alcoholic cocktail and chat with the bartender. A friend of mine once said that Kazakhstan wouldn’t need psychologists as far as bartenders are here. That is right isn't it?

Good luck, sweethearts, whether you meet a guy in a bar, restaurant, cafe or disco! You’ll succeed! Be happy those who have already found their soul mate, and those who haven’t yet don’t despair. Remember that everything has its time. After a while, you'll get the best. Thank you for reading chapter two. See you in the next chapter.

HOW MANY MINUTES DID IT TAKE TO READ THIS FAR?

TEN, FIVE OR MORE?

I REALLY WANT TO MAKE IT FIFTEEN-MINUTE-READING…

Chapter 3

A busy body mom: should you look closer?

Koschei the Immortal meets Baba Yaga. Koschei asks:

– Where are you going, old timer?"

– To the military post at the North pole.

– Why?

– I fed up being alone. Want to marry an officer.

– Who is going to marry such an old trout?"

– You know nothing. Maybe I’m Baba Yaga here, but there I’m Vasilisa the Beautiful!

Author unknown.

I think mothers tend to start warring and turn on the 'flashing light' when their daughters 'delay' their marriage. Especially if they turn 30.

I know she asked you at least once: when will you get married? You need to give birth to children and age with dignity, after all! Your aunts and friends are likewise trying to find you a good match and keep finding and finding, and finding, and finding, and finding…

IT IS HORROR!)

I remember, after graduation, as it should be, I went to Astana to enter a university. Graduated from it and started working. Made a lot of friends who were peers and older. So far many of them aren’t married or have children.

But the most fun was visiting my mother.

I had a hell of lectures at lunches and dinners, CARL! A HELL! of mom's lectures. The tea was served with news about someone's daughters getting married. EVEN my cousins who were five and seven years younger than me were also married! My mother went into detail about someone's reception, beautiful bride dress and dowry.

This went on for about a year, after which my mom moved on to more drastic measures. She would start talking about some 'nice guy' of a friend of her. Surely, he was still single and wanted to get married. I knew at once that he wasn’t the one who was looking for a wife, they were.

What can I say? Since I’m writing about it anyway. Overall, marriage in our family is a must thing. It isn’t only our family though, but many we know. If a girl never got married, she was a loser in their eyes. She’s probably a poor housewife and a bad cook. There was a feeling that without marriage lines everything would fall apart, cows would stop giving milk, and the country's economy would collapse.

Or she may even be someone's mistress or concubine.

However, I have nothing bad to say about those concubines I know. How can you judge people?

This is their choice, the way, the meaning.

Figure out your own life first.

Mom had a friend I jokingly called a 'sympathetic ear'. Irma was cheerful and quite energetic German woman. Years and years Irma listened to my mom and once lost it: 'Well, if your daughter is so clever! Let she get her ass off the couch on a day off and go meet someone!»

What should I say?

Marriage is a big thing, and I wasn't ready for big things at the time.

Long story short, all candidates my mother found weren’t for me. I used to argue with her. Her words hurt me bad…

But over time, I realised what I would advise other girls. You cannot ignore your mother's requests and 'pain' completely. If your mom found you a potential suitor, it is better to have a look. At least from the distance. Imagine yourself a giraffe, raise your head high and watch. (I love giraffes).

There are many cases when mothers find their daughters a decent partner. Before you say your firm 'no' or laugh quietly, think. Perhaps he’s 'the one'? What the hell? Maybe this is your happiness?

Overall, my mom failed to find a husband for me. I found him myself. Now I’m happily married. My word.

IT'S GOOD WHEN YOUR MOM TRY TO FIND YOU A HUSBAND BUT there are some who keep rejecting all suitors of their daughters. He’s too quiet; he’s the wrong nationality and on and on.

'We wish you the best' – the sacramental phrase parents use to motivate their intervention in their daughter's life. What is the objection?

You must agree that not every loving daughter will dare to offend parents saying: 'No, you mean me harm!' or 'You know nothing because you're twice as old!'

"I wish I'd married one of my suitors," a friend of mine tells me. – At least I didn’t see any flaws in them at the time. If it hadn't been for my mother, we would have been a