Всесмiх 2007 183 [Журнал «Всесмiх»] (pdf) читать постранично, страница - 9

Ä·Ë-Ò Á̇·, ßÍ
‰‚Â¥ ·ÓÌþ‚‡ÚË, ‡ Ì¥˜Ó„Ó Á‡ ÚËÏË ‰‚ÂÏË ÌÂ
χÚË. ãþ‰ÂÈ Ì‡ ÍËϥ̇ΠÔÓ‚ÓÍÛ‚‡ÚË...
í‡ ù ·‡·¥ ͥθ͇ Á‡ÔÓÚË΢ÌËÍ¥‚ ‚ÒËÔ‡ÎË.
Ň·‡ Á¥ ‚Ò¥õ ÒËÎ ‚Â, ‡·Ë ÒÛÒ¥‰Ë ‚˜ÛÎË,
ÔÓßÚÛ‚‡ÎË. Ö, ·‡! Ñ‚Â¥ ·Ó̸ӂ‡Ì¥, Á‚ÛÍË Á‡
ÒÚ¥ÌË Ì ÔÓÌË͇þÚ¸...
è¥ÒÎß ‚¥ÁËÚÛ ÍÓ΄ÓÚ˜ÂÌÍ¥‚ ԇ̥ ë‚¥Ú·̇ Ή‚Â
‚¥‰„ÎËԇ·. Ä ÚÓ‰¥ Á‡ÍÎË͇· χÈÒÚ¥‚, ‡·Ë
‰‚Â¥ ÁÌßÎË, ÔÓÒÚ‡‚ËÎË ÒÚ‡¥... ÅÓß·Òß, ùÓ
ÔËȉÛÚ¸ ‰Û„¥ Á‡ÍÓ΄ÓÚÓ‚‡Ì¥.
üÍ ÌÂχ ‚ õ‡Ú¥, ÚÓ È Ì ӷÁ‡‚Ó‰¸ÚÂÒß
·Ó̸ӂ‡ÌËÏË ‰‚ÂËχ, ·Ó ÎËõÓ ‚‡Ï ·Û‰Â.
áÎÓ‰¥È ÍÎþπ ̇ ̇ÊË‚ÍÛ!

ß. üêàó.
臂ÎÓ ÉãÄáéÇàâ: ßÁ ÒÂ¥ª "ÅÄâäéÉêÄîßü"

éè'üçßççü
ÇÂÒÂÎËÈ ‚Ó‚Í ˜‚‡Î‡π Î¥ÒÓÏ
¥ Á‡‚Ë‚‡ "òÛÏπΠ͇Ï˯".
Å¥Îß ÌÓË ÁÛÒÚ¥‚Òß Á ÎËÒÓÏ ¥ ÚÓÈ ÒÔËÚ‡‚:
— óÓ„Ó ¯ÛÏ˯? óÓ„Ó ˆÂ ÚË ·ÂÁ ÌÓÚ ÒÔ¥‚‡π¯,
ÌÂÏÓ‚ ÒÓ·‡Í‡, Á‡‚Ë‚‡π¯?
— ç Ú߂͇È, — ‚Ó‚Í Ò͇Á‡‚ Û‰ÓÏÛ.
— åÂÌ¥ ҸӄӉ̥ Ì ‰Ó ÌÓÚ.
ü Á'ª‚ ÏËÒÎË‚ˆß, Û ßÍÓÏÛ
·ÛÎÓ „Ó¥ÎÍË „‡Ï Ô'ßÚÒÓÚ.

ÁÌ

ïÚÓ ‚?.
Ó
‡È¯

ì ÏËÌÛÎÓÏÛ 182-ÏÛ ˜ËÒÎ¥ ̇
ÒÚÓ. 8 ÙÂÈÎÂÚÓÌ ÔÓ Ú‡‰Ëˆ¥ª
¥ ËÚÛ‡ÎË. ç Á ÛÒ¥Ï ÏÓÊ̇
ÔÓ„Ó‰ËÚËÒ¸, ‡Î õ‚‡Îþ Á‡
‚¥‰‚‡„Û. üÍ‡Á ˜ËÚ‡þ ÍÌËÊÍÛ
ÒÛ˜‡ÒÌÓ„Ó ÛÍ‡ªÌÒ¸ÍÓ„Ó
ÏËÒÎËÚÂÎß ß„Ó‡ 䇄‡Ìˆß
"Ä¥ÈÒ¸ÍËÈ Òڇ̉‡Ú". í‡Ï
ˆËÚÛπÚ¸Òß Ù‡Á‡ ÉÂÌ¥ ÅÓÍÎß
(Ì Á̇þ õÚÓ Ú‡ÍËÈ) "чÈÚÂ
Ì‡Ï ÌÓ‚Û Ô‡‡‰Ë∂ÏÛ, ‰‡ÈÚÂ
ÔÓÏËÎÍÓ‚¥ ‰ÛÏÍË, ‰‡ÈÚ ̇Ï
ùÓ õÓ˜ÂÚÂ, ‡Î ÔÓÁ·‡‚Ú ̇Ò
Á‡¯Í‡Û·ÎÓÒÚ¥!"
üÍ‡Á ÔÓ ˆÂ ÙÂÈÎÂÚÓÌ
ꉸÍË, ‰ÛÊÂ-‰ÛÊ ̇ ˜‡Ò¥!

ß„Ó LJ̉ËÍ. ÑÂÚÓÈÚ

ВЕСЕЛИЙ СЛОВНИК

Ò¥ÏÂÈÌ¥ ÒÔ‡‚Ë, Ì¥Ê ‚Ë Ò‡Ï¥.

äìä — äÓÏ¥ÚÂÚ ìÍ‡ªÌÒ¸ÍËõ äÓ̈ÂÚ¥‚.

èÓÁ¥õ‡ÌÌß — Ó‰ËÌÓ͇ ̇„Ó‰‡ ‰Îß ‰ÂßÍËõ
˜ÓÎÓ‚¥Í¥‚ ‚¥‰ÍËÚË ÛÒÚ‡.

èÓ‡‰‡ — Ó‰ËÌÓ͇ ¥˜ ̇ Ò‚¥Ú¥, ßÍÛ Î„¯Â
‰‡‚‡ÚË, Ì¥Ê ÔËÈχÚË.

ÅÂÁÔ˘ËÌÌËÈ ÒÏ¥õ — ÒÚ‡Ì Îþ‰ËÌË, ÒÔ˘ËÌÂÌËÈ
ÎÓÒÍÓÚ‡ÌÌßÏ.

è·ÚÓÌ¥˜Ì‡ Îþ·Ó‚ — ˆÂ Ú ҇ÏÂ, ùÓ ÓÁÍÛÒËÚË ëÔÓÍÛÒ‡ — ÍÓÎË ‰ÓÚÓÍÌÛÚËÒß — ˆÂ ÔËπÏÌ¥ÒÚ¸,
„Ó¥õ, ‚ËÍËÌÛÚË ÁÂÌß, ‡ Á'ªÒÚË ÎÛ¯ÔËÌÌß.
‡ Ô¥‰‰‡ÚËÒß — ˆÂ ù ·¥Î¸¯‡ ÔËπÏÌ¥ÒÚ¸.
èÓÎ¥„ÎÓÚ — ÚÓÈ, ùÓ ˜ËÚ‡π ÍÌË„Ë ‡‡·Ò¸ÍÓþ,
‡Ì„Î¥ÈÒ¸ÍÓþ, Ù‡ÌˆÛÁ¸ÍÓþ, ÔÓθҸÍÓþ, õ¥Ì‰¥,
„¥·Û... ‚ ÔÂÂÍ·‰¥ ̇ ¥‰ÌÛ ÏÓ‚Û.
èÓ„ÂÒËÒÚË — Ú¥, ùÓ ‚˜Ó‡ ÔÓ„ÂÒËÎË, ‡
ҸӄӉ̥ ͇þÚ¸Òß.

èËÁ̇ÌÌß — ˆÂ ÚÂ, ùÓ Ú‡Î‡ÌÓ‚ËÚ¥ Îþ‰Ë
‰¥ÒÚ‡þÚ¸ Ô¥ÒÎß ÒÏÂÚ¥.
ìÍ‡ªÌˆ¸ — Îþ‰Ë̇, ßÍÛ Î„ÍÓ Ì‡ÏÓ‚ËÚË, ‡ÎÂ
ÌÂÏÓÊÎË‚Ó ÔÂÂÍÓ̇ÚË.

í¥Ï'ß — Ï¥ÒˆÂ, ‰Â Ì¥õÚÓ Á ÛÍ‡ªÌˆ¥‚ Ì ·ËÚËÈ.
èËßÚÂθ — Îþ‰Ë̇, ùÓ Ï‡π ÚËõ Ò‡ÏËõ ‚ÓÓ„¥‚,
è‡Î͇ Îþ·Ó‚ — ˆÂ ·Óù, ßÍËÈ ÒÔÂ¯Û
ùÓ ¥ ‚Ë.
Á‡„‡ߘËÈ, ‡ ‰‡Î¥ ‚Ò õÓÎӉ̥¯‡π.
ëÛÒ¥‰Í‡ — ÓÒÓ·‡, ùÓ ÁÌ‡π ·¥Î¸¯Â ÔÓ ‚‡¯¥
ìÍ·· ɇÌ̇ óÂ¥Ì¸.
19

ЛЮДИНА І ІМІКРОФОН ОЛЕКСІЯ ТАЛІМОНОВА
• • •
ÑÛÊË̇ õÛ‰ÓÊÌË͇‡·ÒÚ‡Íˆ¥ÓÌ¥ÒÚ‡:
— åË Á ˜ÓÎÓ‚¥ÍÓÏ ‰ÛÊÂ
Ô‡ÒÛπÏÓ Ó‰Ì ‰Ó Ó‰ÌÓ„Ó. Ç¥Ì
χÎþπ, ß „ÓÚÛþ Ó·¥‰. Ä ÔÓÚ¥Ï
‚¥‰„‡‰ÛπÏÓ, ùÓ ÍÓÊÌËÈ Á ̇Ò
õÓÚ¥‚ ÁÓ·ËÚË.
• • •
— èÓÒÎÛõ‡ÈÚÂ! — Í˘ËÚ¸
ÓÁ‰‡ÚÓ‚‡ÌÓ ÂÊËÒÂ ‰Ó
ÏÓÎÓ‰Óª ‡ÍÚËÒË. — ÇË ÁÓ‚Ò¥Ï
Ì ÓÁÛÏ¥πÚ ˆ¥πª ÒˆÂÌË.
èÓÒÚ‡‚Ú Ò· ̇ Ï¥ÒˆÂ
„ÂӪ̥. ìß‚¥Ú¸, ùÓ ‚‡Ò ÔÓÍËÌÛ‚
ÍÓõ‡Ìˆ¸. ôÓ · ‚Ë ‚˜ËÌËÎË?
— á̇ȯ· ·Ë ¥Ì¯Ó„Ó, —
ÒÔÓÍ¥ÈÌÓ ‚¥‰ÔÓ‚¥Î‡ Ú‡.
Ç Ú‡Ú¥ å‡ÈÍÎ ÔÓ·‡˜Ë‚, ùÓ
Ӊ̠¥Á Ï¥Òˆ¸ Ô‡ÚÂÛ Á‡Èχπ
ÒÓ·‡Í‡. ëÔÓÒÚÂ¥„‡þ˜Ë Á‡ ÌÂþ,
‚¥Ì Á‡Û‚‡ÊË‚, ùÓ ÒÓ·‡Í‡
ÓÚËÏÛπ ̇ÒÓÎÓ‰Û ‚¥‰
ÒÔÂÍÚ‡ÍÎþ: ÔÓÒÏ¥õ‡πÚ¸Òß ¥ ÒÛÏÛπ
Á‡ÎÂÊÌÓ ‚¥‰ ÒþÊÂÚÛ. Ç ‡ÌÚ‡ÍÚ¥
å‡ÈÍÎ Ô¥‰¥È¯Ó‚ ‰Ó „ÓÒÔÓ‰ËÌ¥
ÒÓ·‡ÍË:
— ü ‚‡ÊÂÌËÈ! LJ¯ ÔÂÒ Û
Á‡õ‚‡Ú¥ ‚¥‰ ÒÔÂÍÚ‡ÍÎþ!
— ü ‚‡ÊÂ̇ Ì ÏÂ̯ Á‡
‚‡Ò! äÓÎË ‚¥Ì ˆþ Ô'πÒÛ ˜ËÚ‡‚,
‚Ó̇ ÈÓÏÛ ÁÓ‚Ò¥Ï ÌÂ
ÒÔÓ‰Ó·‡Î‡Ò¸!
• • •
— ôÓ ‚Ë ÏÓÊÂÚ Ò͇Á‡ÚË
ÔÓ ÍÓÎÂ͈¥þ ÏÓªõ ͇ÚËÌ?
— üÍ õÛ‰ÓÊÌËÍ ˜Ë ßÍ „¥ÒÚ¸?
• • •
ì è‡ËÊ¥, ̇ Ú‡Ú‡Î¸Ì¥È
‡Ù¥¯¥ ÒÔÂÍÚ‡ÍÎþ "åÓß ‰ÛÊË̇
— Ô‡ÌÚÂ‡" õÚÓÒ¸ ‰ÓÔËÒ‡‚:
"åÓß — ÚÂÊ!"
• • •
— èÓÒÎÛõ‡ÈÚÂ, ˆß ÒÓ̇ڇ
̇‚¥ß̇ ‰ÛÏ͇ÏË ÔÓ ÍÓõ‡ÌÛ, ‡
‚Ë ªª ‚ËÍÓÌÛπÚ ڇÍ, Ì¥·Ë
Á‚ÂÚ‡πÚÂÒß ‰Ó ÚÂù¥!
• • •
20

ëÓÎÓ‚ÂÈÍÓ ·Â ßÍ¥ÒÚþ,
„ÓÓ·ˆ¥ — ͥθͥÒÚþ.
• • •
å‡ÎÂ̸͇ Óθ Ì¥ÍÓÎË ÌÂ
‚·Ë‚‡Î‡ ‚ÂÎËÍÓ„Ó ‡ÚËÒÚ‡, ‡ÎÂ
χÎÂ̸ÍËÈ ‡ÚËÒÚ Á‡‚Ê‰Ë ÏÓÊÂ
‚·ËÚË ‚ÂÎËÍÛ Óθ.
• • •
èÓ Ì‚‰‡õÛ ÏÛÁË͇ÌÚ‡ Ñ¥Ó„ÂÌ
Ò͇Á‡‚:
— ëÎ¥‰ ÔÓ‰ßÍÛ‚‡ÚË ÈÓÏÛ Á‡ ÚÂ,
ùÓ, ·Û‰Û˜Ë Ú‡ÍËÏ ÔÓ„‡ÌËÏ
ÏÛÁË͇ÌÚÓÏ, ‚¥Ì ‚ÒÂ Ê Ì Íˉ‡π
ÏÛÁËÍÛ, Á‡ÈχπÚ¸Òß ÌÂþ ¥ ÌÂ
ÒÚ‡π ÁÎÓ‰¥πÏ.
• • •

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make
things a little bit clearer.
@ WORK

@ PRISON
1. you spend the majority of your time
in a 10X10 cell
2. you get three meals a day fully paid
for
3. you get time off for good behavior
4. the guard locks and unlocks all the
doors for you
5. you can watch TV and play games
6. you get your own toilet
7. they allow your family and friends to
visit

1. you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle
2. you get a break for one meal and you have to pay
for it
3. you get more work for good behavior
4. you must often carry a security card and open all
the doors for yourself
5. you could get fired for watching TV and playing
games
6. you have to share the toilet with some people who
pee on the seat
7. you aren't even supposed to speak to your family

8. all expenses are paid by the taxpayers